With the help of the Peivande Gole Narges charity institute, a series of conversations about choosing a spouse took place on social media. These discussions took place with the presence of Doctor Azam Heidari, who is a Counselor and psychologist, with the aim of improving the level of knowledge and culture of our dear clients and respected female audience.
Dr. Heidari at the beginning of the conversation, referred to the fact that the deep beliefs and convictions of the individual will motivate her behavior, emphasising the need to eliminate false and destructive beliefs.
She went on further referring to the fifteen destructive beliefs in choosing a spouse and said: "People should try to replace these destructive beliefs with worthy and correct beliefs in order to get better results."
Dr. Heidari stated these beliefs in accordance with the Iranian, Islamic culture and referred to the first belief: the idea that "husband and wife should be each other's best friends" is wrong, because even if they were not, that marriage could be considered successful.
The second belief that Dr. Heidari mentioned was that "romantic love always leads to a good marriage." According to her, this belief is also wrong and both sides of the relationship should try to turn love and affection into love and intimacy.
She went on to point out the third misconception and said "If you feel guilty during the marriage, do not confess to your spouse". Because the goal is to preserve the marriage and this confession in itself could be very harmful.
"Husband and wife should do everything together." This was the fourth belief mentioned by Dr. Heidari who then added: "This belief is wrong and 25% of personal space is needed for each individual party."
She went on to describe the fifth misconception about choosing a spouse:Contrary to popular belief, we should not try too hard to maintain a marriage and we should put a lot of energy into it.
The sixth misconception, she said, is that a "successful marriage requires complete trust". While we may not be able to fully trust anyone.
Dr. Heidari continued to mention that "Some people consider the home a safe place to vent their anger" adding that this was the seventh misconception we had. People should try to solve this problem by acquiring problem-solving and anger management skills.
According to her, the eighth misconception is that "good spouses should also be the source of happiness" while we should have other sources and reasons that build the foundation of our own happiness.
Regarding the ninth misconception, "Marriage is an equal partnership" the family counselor said that it is a misconception and it does not mean that everything should be divided equally, but rather, it is better for people to divide their work according to their individual differences.
She continued by saying the tenth misconception in our culture which is that "With the arrival of a child, problems between couples will be solved"; having children does not improve life and this belief is flawed.
The eleventh misconception, she said, is that "true lovers should automatically understand the other person's feelings" while we all need to learn ways to express our feelings.
Dr. Heidari went on further referring to the twelfth misconception and said: Contrary to many people's beliefs, a failed marriage is no better than a divorce, and it can cause complex problems.
The thirteenth misconception mentioned by the esteemed consultant of the Peivande Gole Narges charity institute was that "our problems should not be disclosed and should be solved by ourselves". In the event that help is needed to solve the problems it should be sought from an unbiased expert.
She continued by moving to the other misconception: "Love that is cooled can be warmed again" which sometimes can affect people and went on to say that one-sided love and affection often leads to the failure of marriage.
She concluded by pointing to the fifteenth and final common misconception in the society and said that "Dead love that is lost on both sides of a relationship is irreversible". Dr. Heidari added in these cases, the family suffers from emotional divorce and broken marriage.
If you are going to enter into a sincere partnership and have a lasting and successful marriage, replace these right beliefs with the wrong ones and enjoy living life alongside your right spouse.